|OK, hypothetically if you're going on a mission to, say, catch a guilty whale. And while you were catching the whale, you saw something else that may also be another whale, and you were like, ‘What?’ But then you thought, ‘Maybe it's not a whale. Maybe it's a big fish, maybe it's a submarine with a face painted on it.’ The point is if I kill the first whale, am I technically a murderer?|
|— Leslie Knope|
After the infamous opossum Fairway Frank bites Mayor Gunderson's dog Rufus at the Pawnee Municipal Golf Course, mayoral representative Evelyn Roushland asks Leslie Knope to form a task force to capture it. Leslie, Tom Haverford, Andy Dwyer and two incompetent animal control workers – Harris Wittels and Brett Hull – go to the golf course and quickly find the animal. The animal control workers are useless and Tom immediately runs away, but Andy dives toward the animal and captures it. Evelyn is impressed with Leslie and promises her a special favour from the mayor's office. However, Leslie sees a second opossum and fears they have captured the wrong animal. She later finds out that the mayor doesn't care about catching Fairway Frank, but rather about securing a trophy animal for his bathroom.
Back at the department office, reporter Shauna Malwae-Tweep interviews Andy for a newspaper article. After he brags about the capture, the reporter suggests his heroics might win him back the affections of Ann Perkins, his ex-girlfriend, much to Andy's excitement. April Ludgate, who has romantic feelings for Andy, overhears this and storms out of the room. Evelyn demands delivery of Fairway Frank, but Leslie admits there is uncertainty about the identity of the opossum they caught. She refuses to hand over the captured opossum and creates a ketchup-blood diversion so that April can escape with the caged animal.
April takes the opossum to Ann's home, where April has been paid $50 to housesit. She lets the opossum out of its cage, and it causes havoc and minor damage. While hiding from the animal, April reveals her feelings about Andy to Leslie for the first time. When Leslie refuses to hand over the opossum, Evelyn angrily takes back her promise of a favour from the mayor's office. Andy, still oblivious to the reasons behind April being cold to him, delivers coffee to April, as well as the day's newspaper, containing a story which credits April for providing moral support to Andy. It is later revealed that Leslie has donated the opossum to the Pawnee Zoo.
Meanwhile, Ron Swanson plans a woodshop expansion in his home and seeks the approval of city planner Mark Brendanawicz. Mark informs Ron that an inspection is needed to ensure that the facility meets all current zoning code standards, and an obviously-lying Ron claims it does, clearly underscoring his vexation with governmental regulations. During the inspection, Mark finds numerous code violations, including oily rags placed above a wood-burning fireplace and a long-outdated fire extinguisher. Later, Mark takes a half-day off so that he can help his friend's woodshop meet city code. Ron thanks Mark by building a wooden canoe and leaving it in his office.
Leslie: Fairway Frank is this awful possum who lives near the sixth hole of the public golf course. And he's actually number three on the Parks Department's most wanted pest list, right behind the bats who like to poop on the bell tower and Poopy, the raccoon who poops all over the high school cafeteria.
Leslie: Ron will show you around.
Ron: Um, right this way is the exit.
Leslie: Eugene! Boy, we have a very important job for you.
Eugene: We'll get to it first thing Monday.
Leslie: Today's Wednesday.
April: Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.
Mark: Ron, none of this is up to code.
Ron: Sure it is. It's up to the Swanson code.
Ron: Good thing I have this fire extinguisher which I assure you, is up to your precious code.
Mark: Um... this says it should be recharged June of 1996.
Andy: By day. Andy Dwyer, shoeshinist. By different time of day, Andy Radical, possum tackler. And by night? Do whatever I want, no job.
Shauna: Were you scared?
Andy: No, no I wasn't. Well I lived in the pit for the better part of last year and made some vermin friends. You know what? Friends sounds stupid. Colleagues. They are bad at sharing, but they are good at tag.
Leslie: Possum, there was a possum. We captured a possum and we brought it into your house and it got out and it might have laid eggs in your bed.
Leslie: And it went into your laundry and your kitchen and it touched all your bras. And I'm so sorry, it's our fault we captured it and it got out and it ran around and it was a possum, OK? April, run, April. Sorry, Ann. I love you!
Leslie: I can't kill the possum because it might be innocent. I can't let the possum go because it might be guilty. Can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool, can't spell the word lieutenant. There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now.
Leslie: When I retire, and I'm attending some gala honoring the first three female presidents in history, myself and two other women I have inspired, I want to be looking back at my distinguished legacy and not thinking that I owe my career to some possum. And I want to be wearing a huge beautiful blue hat!
Ron: No, I'm bringing my workshop up to the Swanson code, and if the Swanson code over laps with the City Government Cod...
Mark: SHUT UP!