This article contains spoilers for the Parks and Recreation show. Continue at your own risk.
"The Pawnee-Eagleton Tip Off Classic" is the third episode of Season 6 of the NBC television series Parks and Recreation, and the 93rd episode overall. It premiered on October 3, 2013 to 3.14 million viewers.
Leslie Knope uses this year's Pawnee-Eagleton Tip Off Classic press conference to slam Eagleton in order to score some cheap points with the citizens of Pawnee, as she is still losing heavily in her recall election. Later, Chris Traeger informs Ben Wyatt that their old boss from Indianapolis wants to them to take a look into Eagleton's apparent budget problem. Leslie decides to tag along to the budget meeting, as she can't miss such a chance to see Eagleton in a crisis. At the meeting, Eagleton's city council shies away from openly discussing their money problems, but allows Chris and Ben to gain access to all their files. The pair discover Eagleton's Debt/Equity Ratio is off the charts. Ben explains that the city was in financial trouble a few years earlier, much like Pawnee was, but their government just kept borrowing money and is now on the brink of an epic financial disaster. Leslie decides to use Eagleton's financial crisis as a way to finally get Pawnee back on her side: having "saved" Pawnee from bankruptcy, she will now remind everyone of that as they watch their worst enemy collapse into bankruptcy. At a subsequent meeting, Chris and Ben question Eagleton councilwoman Ingrid de Forest on some of the city's ridiculous expenditure items, while Leslie puts together a mock presentation for Ingrid disguised as a financial recovery plan. Having borrowed everything they can from the state, Pawnee is Eagleton's only hope, but with Leslie's unhelpful efforts, Chris and Ben agree to privately discuss the crisis with Ingrid without Leslie present.
Later, at the Pawnee Sports Building, where the Pawnee-Eagleton Tip Off Classic basketball game is being played, Leslie witnesses Pawnee players help an injured Eagleton player off the court despite being down by 50 points. This inspires her to do the unthinkable: provide a shoulder for the wounded Eagleton, all the while sacrificing her chance at winning the recall election. She proposes Eagleton be dissolved and re-absorbed into Pawnee, angering citizens from both cities. Pawnee will provided some government services as well as taking on some of Eagleton's debts. Chris explains that this is the only scenario that prevents Eagleton's financial crisis from spiralling throughout the entire region.
Meanwhile, Ron Swanson is disturbed by the lack of privacy he has after receiving a magazine addressed to him at Diane's house, where he has lived for less than a month. He recruits Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle to help him get completely off the grid. He gets rid of his cell phone, chops up his credit cards, and even destroys his City Hall car park access keycard. He next goes around to all the diners and restaurants in town where he has set food eating records and removes his pictures. In addition, he removes his name plate from his office door and destroys his paediatrician files. However, to his disappointment, Tom has been taking pictures of him all day on his tablet and uploading them to Facebook. Having failed in his quest to get off the grid thanks to Tom, Ron results to buying an RV so he can live out of a mobile vehicle. At the dealership, Ron is discovered by Diane, who is furious at him for being uncontactable all day. She understands Ron values his privacy, but she explains to him that he is now a husband and a father and can no longer live a life of secrecy. Ron and Diane come to a solution: Ron buys an old-fashioned cellular device that only Diane and her daughters knows the number to, that way he is always contactable by his family but no one else.
In a B plot, Ann Perkins accompanies April Ludgate to Bloomington for April's orientation day at Bloomington's School of Veterinary Medicine. April is reluctant to cooperate and bails on the orientation almost immediately. Ann's other goal for coming to Bloomington is to buy baby essentials, but her shopping spree is interrupted by April. Ann insists she go back and complete orientation. At the end of the day, April admits to Ann she was on the fence about committing to veterinary school, and has now made up her mind: she doesn't want to do it. This disappoints Ann, but April says she had a gut felling as soon as she got to the campus that it wasn't right for her. This inspires Ann to listen to her gut, and upon returning to Pawnee, she asks Chris about whether or not he'd be willing to raise their child in a city other than Pawnee.
Ron: The right to privacy is very important to me.
Ron: [to mailman regarding coupons] If you ever see another one of these with my name on it, I want you to drive into the woods and bury it.
Mailman: [uncomfortable] I don't decide who gets mail, sir. I just deliver it.
Ron: Passing the buck - the last refuge of the cowardly and black-hearted.
Mailman: That seems harsh.
Ron: [in a low, intimidating voice] Get out. [the mailman turns and leaves]
[At JJ's Diner]
Ron: [to a worker] A few months ago, I came in here and began eating eggs. They were delicious, so I ordered more. Before long, I believe I'd eaten-
Worker: 51 eggs in 20 minutes. [Ron catches himself] Couldn't cook 'em fast enough - the last 10 were still in the shell.
Tom: [regarding a picture taken of Ron] We need that picture for privacy reasons.
Worker: Okay, but I don't know how anybody would know it was you. [to Ron] We followed your instructions.
[Ron's picture shows him smiling with the caption, "Man - Most Eggs"]
Ron: That's too much information. [takes the picture]
Ron: I've eaten a lot of food in a lot of restaurants. Why is everyone else so bad at eating?
Leslie: As always, we would like to make a friendly wager with Eagleton if you beat us this year. We will give you a basket of apples from our Pawnee Orchard.
Ingrid: Pesticide... yuck!
Leslie: Oh no, these are pesticide-free. I ate one of these for breakfast this morning and I found a worm in it, so... [points at Ingrid] I bet somebody feels really stupid right now.
Ben: Hey, you wanted to see me?
Chris: I did. [throws calculator at Ben] Think fast!
Ben: Oh my God! [catches calculator] Hey, Dr. Buttons! I mean, my old calculator; it doesn't have a name.
Chris: [reads a shirt that Leslie designed] 'Eagleton: No Money, Mo' Problems'.
Leslie: [happily] Fantastic, right? [Ben looks at the camera speechless while holding the shirt]
Chris: Well umm, some of these expenditures are... questionable.
Chris: You filled the public pools with bottled water?
Ingrid: Total body hydration.
Ben: What is this here, this massive expenditure from public works?
Ingrid: [searches file] Ah yes, well, yes. We purchased HBO for the whole town.
Ben: I'm sorry, you spent government money on a TV subscription?
Ingrid: It's not TV.
Leslie: Let's get started with our first slide. [starts the slideshow with three words: "Well, well, well..."] Well, well, well...' [Ingrid looks upset]
Laura: Hi, you're back!
April: Hello again. As you remember, I'm April and this is Ann, my 65-year-old grandmother.
Ann: [passive-aggressively] Yes, that's who I am. Anyway, we'd love to hear about Bloomington. It seems like a real hip-kinda college town.
April: Mee-maw! God, no one uses the word 'hip' anymore. Sometimes I wish you went down on the Titanic with all your sorority sisters.
Laura: I would be happy to show you guys around the campus. Is there anything in particular that you wanna see?
April: How are your local graveyards? [whispers while gesturing at Ann] I have some planning to do.
[Leslie is continuing the slideshow and demeaning Ingrid and Eagleton]
Leslie: 'YOU BLEW IT'. 'SUPER HARD'. 'COMPLETE BUFFOONERY'. [Ingrid really is not liking this] 'IT'S HILARIOUS' and 'YOU DESERVE IT'.
Ben: [quietly] Do you think you might wanna take it easy on them a little bit?
Leslie: Oh! Like how they took it easy on us when they stole all our money and seceded from our town?
Ben: It was 200 years ago. Cool it.
Leslie: Fine! I'll skip ahead. [clicks through other slides that show Leslie celebrating with champagne, 'SUCK IT', Ingrid in a barrel, Leslie dancing in front of the hashtag '#BROKE', and Leslie jumping on a grave marked for Eagleton]
Leslie: We are willing to provide a bridge loan for $50,000. 25% interest compounded monthly, and you need to release a statement that says "Pawnee Rules and Eagleton Drools".
Ingrid: Well now you're just being nasty.
Leslie: We all swore that we weren't gonna ever help her again ever.
Ben: I never said that, you did.
Leslie: I speak for all of us at all matters. That is what you tacitly agreed to when you married me.
Leslie: Yeah. Let's go, you've changed your mind and you're not gonna help her anymore.
Ingrid: Leslie, I just wanna borrow your husband for the evening.
Woman at the Budget Session: You just can't merge two towns, it's against the rules of nature. What's next? Merging a man with his dog?
Bertram: I live in Eagleton and frankly, I don't like the idea of living in Pawnee. They're a little, what's the word... have-no-money.
Ingrid: Bertram, that's enough. First of all, Eagleton has no money. Second of all, they are gracious enough to throw us a lifeline and we should be eternally grateful for their generosity. They're a town of angels. Greasy, denim-clad angels... [Pawnee citizens groan collectively] Angels, nonetheless.
Leslie: Yeah, we'll take it.