This article contains spoilers for the Parks and Recreation show. Continue at your own risk.
|Look, I'm sorry that I thought about you for the job, okay? But sometimes, if I don't push you in the right direction, you end up standing still. I was just trying to do you a favor.|
|— Leslie Knope|
Chris Traeger has fired Dennis Cooper, the former Health Department Public Relations Director, who hung posters around City Hall to publicly condemn his adulterous wife. Leslie Knope suggests Ann Perkins replace him, mainly so they can spend more time together, since Ann has been so busy dating numerous men. Although reluctant to leave her job as a nurse, Ann agrees to attend the job interview, and Leslie provides her with an overwhelming amount of reading material to prepare for it. Meanwhile, Tom Haverford encourages the Parks Department to attend The Snakehole Lounge, a nightclub he partially owns, for the unveiling of his new alcoholic beverage, Snake Juice. Tom also encourages them to spread the word about the drink through word of mouth guerrilla marketing. April Ludgate shows little interest in attending, until Andy Dwyer suggests they make a game of it by role-playing as different people at the bar. April pretends to be Janet Snakehole, an aristocratic widow with a dark secret, while Andy poses as his frequent alter-ego, FBI agent Burt Macklin.
That night, at the Snakehole Lounge, Leslie is surprised and annoyed to find Ann partying on the dance floor instead of preparing for the job interview. Ann introduces Leslie to her latest boyfriend, local radio host The Douche. As Leslie and Ann become increasingly drunk from Snake Juice, Leslie insults Ann's current dating lifestyle. This prompts Ann to insult Leslie for moving too slow with Ben Wyatt, whom Leslie is attracted to. The fight escalates throughout the night, and Leslie ultimately claims she always has to keep Ann motivated or she would not go anywhere. Both declare it best that Ann not work with Leslie after all and they storm off. Meanwhile, the Snake Juice proves delicious and popular with the rest of the parks department employees, all of whom become extremely intoxicated, with the exception of Donna Meagle who calls it "basically rat poison". Chris arrives to warn Tom that using his government position to promote his own personal ventures is a breach of ethics. He tells a disappointed Tom that he must sell his shares of the Snakehole Lounge if he wants to keep his job.
The next morning, everyone who drank Snake Juice is extremely hungover (except for Ron Swanson), and Leslie deeply regrets how she treated Ann. Ben visits Ann at her home and asks her to forgive Leslie. Ann, who also regrets the fight, is touched by Ben's gesture and reveals that Leslie likes him. Ann decides to attend the job interview, during which she and Leslie apologize to each other. After a second interview with Chris, Ann is given the job in a part-time basis, which also would allow her to continue her work as a nurse. Tom reluctantly decides to sell his Snakehole Lounge shares. Ron attempts to convince Chris to let him keep the shares, and defends Tom's efforts to branch out by claiming the move was not unethical, but Chris is not persuaded. Instead, Ron comforts Tom by building him a special case to hold a bottle of Snake Juice.
Ron: [to the Parks Department, who are gathered around a coffee maker] So... who broke it? [Nobody says a word] I'm not mad. I just want to know.
Leslie: I did. I broke-
Ron: No, no you didn't. Tom?
Tom: Don't look at me. Look at Ben.
Ben: What? I didn't break it.
Tom: Huh. That's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Ben: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Tom: [leans in on him] Suspicious.
Jerry: If it matters - probably not - but April was the last one to use it.
April: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Jerry: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
April: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles; everyone knows that, Jerry!
Ron: Who broke it??!
Ben: [looks at Donna, then at Ron] Ron... Donna's been awfully quiet.
Ben: Yeah! Really.
Donna: Oh, my God! [everyone starts arguing at one another except Ron]
Ron: [to the crew inside his office] I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. [turns to look at the Parks Department as they continue to argue, then looks back] Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Ron: I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two inch axe style scraper oscillating knife blade.
Chris: Jan Cooper will give you Chlamydia. Brought to you by the Pawnee Department of Public Health.
Chris: Chlamydia affects nearly 100% of Jan Coopers.
Chris: Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whoreville.
Andy: Burt Macklin, FBI. I was the best damn agent they had until I was framed for a crime I didn't commit... Stealing the President's rubies.
Ben: [slighty drunk on Snake Juice] Hey, are you okay? I heard yowling.
Leslie: [drunk on Snake Juice] Yeah, I'm very angry and I'm really drunk! Do you want to dance with me? Go get me another Snork Juice!
Donna: [to Chris] Someone needs to be alert tonight. This Snake Juice is basically rat poison. Everybody's wasted.
Leslie: [drunk on Snake Juice, crying] You don't even know one thing! I didn't even say one thing! And she asks me the whole thing, and I didn't even do it once!
Tom: [drunk on Snake Juice] I'm, like, an elephant. Okay? If I walk into a room, it's like 'Okay, he's in there.'
Ann: [drunk on Snake Juice, feeling aggressive] I'm gonna tell you, that... that bitch over there. [points to a woman, who looks uncomfortable] I'm gonna tell... I don't mean to brag.
Ben: [drunk on Snake Juice] Baba-Booey. [chuckles]
Andy: [drunk on Snake Juice] Turn this music down... [sings gibberish]
April: [drunk on Snake Juice, utters Spanish gibberish]
Jerry: [drunk on Snake Juice, laughs then coughs before taking another drink]
Ron: [drunk on Snake Juice, dances happily to Flo Rida's "Who Dat Girl"]
Ron: Is this everybody?
Donna: Ann took a cab. Tom's in the trunk. Jerry's on the roof.
Donna: Where to first?
Leslie: Your mother's butt. [everyone laughs except Donna]
Jean-Ralphio: I'm so alone.
Donna: If even one of you thinks about dry heaving in my car, you're all walking home.
Leslie: Oh, my God, I'm so hungover. I've never been this hungover.
Ben: I feel great. I ran 5K this morning.
Ben: No, I threw up in the shower.
Ron: Top of the morning, everyone! I brought some burgers and fries. Eat up! The protein soaks up the sugar. [Jerry and April are hungover, the latter wearing two pillows attached to her head]
Ron: [whistles and sings] First, you take the cow to the killing floor!
Leslie: We need to remember what's important in life - friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter. But work is third.