Parks and Recreation Wiki

This site contains spoilers! Proceed with caution!

READ MORE

Parks and Recreation Wiki
Advertisement
Parks and Recreation Wiki

At this very moment, Leslie is throwing herself in front of a freight train named Tammy for me, and you. Leslie is a wonderful loyal friend who is very important in my life, but I would sooner visit Europe than have something romantic happen between us.
Ron Swanson

"Ron and Diane" is the ninth episode in the fifth season of the NBC television series Parks and Recreation. It originally aired on December 6, 2012 to 3.27 million viewers.

Synopsis[]

Ron, Diane and Leslie attend an awards dinner, where Ron is nominated for a prestigious woodworking award. Jerry fails to invite some of his friends to his holiday party.

Storyline[]

Leslie congratulates Ron on his award nomination from the Indiana Fine Woodworking Association for a chair he recently constructed. Ron realizes this may be the first time he's ever actually wanted to attend an event, and plans on taking his girlfriend Diane with him there. Leslie, excited to meet Diane, subsequently invites herself.

Now that it's finally December, Tom, April, Andy and Donna are planning their annual "Jerry Dinner". They explain to Ann that anytime Jerry does something stupid, they put a dollar bill in a box and then treat themselves to a fancy dinner at the end of the year with the money they've collected. This year, they've gotten a little over $500. Ann doesn't approve of this sort of mockery, but her opinion is dismissed by the group. Meanwhile, Chris and Ben make plans to hang out.

That night, Ron and Diane arrive at the awards ceremony. They immediately run into Leslie, who's overjoyed at finally getting the chance to meet Diane. As a giddy Ron runs off to check out some jackplanes, Leslie eagerly turns on Diane in an attempt to quickly get to know her.

While on their way to dinner, April, Tom, and Andy reminisce on some of the pranks they pulled on Jerry over the year, and Donna has a change of heart. She turns the car around and drives to Jerry's house to invite him to dinner. However, upon arriving at Jerry's house, they find he is throwing a big lavish Christmas party. The four of them are confused as to why they weren't invited, as they spot Ann, Chris and Ben arriving at the front door. Inside, Chris accidentally indulges in regular eggnog instead of the low-fat version. Ben fears a breakdown, but Chris is just shocked to find out how much better things taste when there's fat in them and realizes it's not the end of the world if he has a little slip.

Back at the awards event, Leslie is head-over-heels excited about how perfect of a fit Ron and Diane are. Though Ron neither wants nor needs her approval, Leslie keeps on giving it anyway. Just as she's musing about how this just may turn out to be the best night of Ron's life, she hears a familiar voice from across the room: Tammy 2, Ron's ex-wife, has entered the building. Tammy beelines straight for Ron, ever eager to mess with him and potentially ruin his life. Leslie is quick to usher Tammy away and warn her not to mess with Ron's big night. Tammy does not heed to Leslie's warning.

Back at Jerry's, the cold foursome is huddled outside a window, peering in at the warm, lovely festivities going on inside. When they get Ann's attention, Ann ends up letting Donna inside, but keeps the rest of them out. Chris introduces Ben to Jerry's wife Gayle Gergich, and Ben is a little taken back by how beautiful she is. Gayle notices a grey hair on Chris' sweater and much to Ben's surprise, Chris is not freaking out over this. Later, Jerry and his family joyfully perform a Christmas tune for the guests. Outside, Tom and April realize they never received Jerry's invitation due to Tom putting a filter on everyone's email accounts that automatically flagged all of Jerry's emails as spam. Looking through their spam folders, they uncover three year's worth of nice emails from Jerry: wedding congratulations, birthday messages and, of course, their party invitations.

At the ceremony, Tammy plops herself down at Ron's table. When Ron is announced as the winner of the "Achievement in Chairs" category, Tammy distracts him from his heartfelt speech by crossing and uncrossing her legs, flashing him. Later, as Diane and Leslie are both looking for Ron, Diane admits that she's not actually threatened by Tammy. Rather, she's concerned with Leslie. She and Ron have an intimacy that Diane doesn't understand, and if anything is a threat to their relationship, it's Leslie. When Leslie finally finds Ron, she tells him about Diane's misconceptions. While Ron is anything but romantically connected with Leslie, he does finally admit that they're friends. Leslie hands him her car keys so that he can go find Diane, while she goes off to deal with crazy Tammy hiding out in Ron's car.

At the Christmas party, Millicent makes a surprise appearance, with a new boyfriend accompanying her. Chris takes this in stride and is genuinely happy for her. Ben notes that Chris has come a long way thanks to his therapy. Meanwhile Ann finally lets April, Andy and Tom in after they hand over the $500 to Jerry as a gesture of good will, under the guise of having raised money for his hospital bills.

Working hard to keep Tammy off Ron's trail, Leslie drives the car to the middle of nowhere and tries to throw the keys in a bin but Tammy gets the keys and attempts to drive off before Leslie climbs through the car window. They get back to the event hall but everyone has already left. In the following Talking Heads, Leslie comments she would do anything for Ron, even fight Tammy for a whole night, she thinks Tammy got tired before she slithers up to Leslie, much to the latter's horror.

At a quiet bar, Diane admits to Ron that she's worried that she'll never get as close to him as Leslie is. Ron then shows her something that not many people know about, especially not Leslie: his alter ego Duke Silver. They then get a call from the police informing them that Tammy is being arrested and had locked Leslie in the trunk of her car.

Cast[]

Quotes[]

Leslie: This could end up being the best night in Ron Swanson's life. I am so, so happy for him- [gets interrupted by something diabolical]
Tammy II: [lustfully] Hello, you gorgeous craftsmen. Wow. Look at this room - so much wood, ready to be worked.
Leslie: F**k me!

Ron: [introducing Diane to Tammy II] Diane, this is a piece of human garbage named Tammy, who is also my ex-wife.

[Ron wins the award for "Achievement in Chairs" and gets up to accept the award and make a speech]
Ron: This award is the only I'd ever give a damn about. [all the while, Tammy II tries to allure him] I made my first chair when I was 5, but the quality of the wood was wanting. So when I turned 9, I used my factory wages to purchase some beautiful, local walnut...
[Tammy II pulls a Catherine Tramell - she's not wearing underwear as she crosses her legs]
Ron: [feeling uneasy] Uh, thank you. For this, this all good... night good... uh...
[Leslie and Diane look at each other with worry; Tammy II snaps her fingers to get Ron's attention]
Ron: [gathers himself] ...There it is. [he quickly leaves the stage as everyone applauds]

Tammy II: [after Leslie drove them out to the middle of nowhere] GIVE ME THE KEYS!
Leslie: NO!
Tammy II: GIVE 'EM TO ME!
Leslie: NEVER!!!

Leslie: Hey! Game Over, Tammy!! [she throws the keys in a dumpster]
Tammy II: WHA-!? YOU-! [pushes Leslie down against some trash containers] I'm going in!! [hops in the dumpster for the keys; Leslie hops in after her] Whoo!
[They fight each other amongst the garbage]
Tammy II: Oh, my God. I'm so turned on right now.
Leslie: What is wrong with you??!
Tammy II: Oh yeah, tell me you're not feeling this!
Leslie: You are so crazy!!!

Leslie: [after fighting Tammy II] I mean, I'd do anything for Ron. Even spend a whole night fighting his crazy ex-wife. I think I'm safe. She's gotta be tired by now.
Tammy II: [gets up to her] Hi. [Leslie screams in horror]

Diane: She just knows you so well. I was starting to wonder if I was ever gonna get to that point. I'm worried that maybe there isn't room in your life for another woman.
Ron: At this very moment, Leslie is throwing herself in front of a freight train named Tammy... for me and you. Leslie is a wonderful, loyal friend who was very important in my life. But I would sooner visit Europe than have something romantic happen between us. [takes her hand] Although, if you'd like to visit Europe, I like you so much I'd be willing to risk it.
Diane: But not France, right?
Ron: God, no. [Diane chuckles]

Ron: See? You know me pretty well, already. But you're about to get to know me even better. I brought you here because I want to show you something that almost no one knows about - certainly not Tammy and not even Leslie Knope.
Club announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, and especially the Ladies, put your hands together for the one, the only, my man: Mr. Duke Silver! [everyone applauds as Ron takes the stage as Duke Silver; Diane is amazed]

Lady 1: [to Diane] You're so lucky. [Diane smiles]
Lady 2: [to Diane] I'm going to kill you. [Diane stops smiling as the lady glares at her]

Tammy II: Hey Ron! Why don't you get me out of these handcuffs [lustfully] so I can put you into these handcuffs?
Diane: Yes, please officer, get her out of those cuffs. I want this to be a fair fight.
[Tammy II backs down]

Trivia[]

Advertisement