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Do you have like a first-date outfit I could borrow? Like, I don't know, a pair of cargo pants?
Leslie Knope

"Practice Date" is the fourth episode in the second season of the NBC television series Parks and Recreation. It originally aired on Oct. 8, 2009 to 8.97 million viewers.

Synopsis[]

Ann helps a nervous Leslie get ready for her first date with Dave, by giving her a practice date, while everybody else at the office tries to dig up the juiciest dirt on each other.

Storyline[]

Leslie and the rest of the Parks and Recreation Department catch a news report of Pawnee Councilman Bill Dexhart admitting to having four-way sex in a Brazilian cave while pretending to be "building houses for the underprivileged." Tom insists nobody could find any dirt on him, prompting the parks department employees to start a game in which to see who can get the most dirt on each other.

Meanwhile, Leslie tells Ann that she is nervous about her upcoming first date with Dave. Ann suggests that they do a practice date to help Leslie prepare for the real date. Ann roleplays as Dave and treats Leslie terribly (based on the psychology class she took where fears were dealt with by "immersion therapy") and realizes that Leslie is awkward at dating, as she's brought note cards with "topics of conversation" and engages in fake-sounding "practice laughing." Leslie completely bungles on answering even basic questions and Ann's fake mean treatment doesn't help, but she eventually stands up to Ann. Although Leslie worries she might drive Dave away with her weird behavior, Ann reassures her she is ready for anything and will survive even if everything goes wrong. Leslie feels cheered up and more confident, and they go to a bar later to celebrate, where Leslie gets very drunk.

Meanwhile, everyone is digging up and dishing out dirt on each other. Tom reveals Ron as two ex-wives both named Tammy, so Ron decides to look into Tom. Jerry reveals Mark has an unpaid parking ticket and Mark tells Jerry that he found his adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession. Jerry (who never wanted to play in the first place) is shocked, as he did not know he was adopted, making Mark feel terribly guilty. Later, Ron declares himself the winner when he tells Tom he knows Tom's marriage to Wendy is a green card marriage to prevent her from being deported to Canada. While Ron promises he won't tell anyone, Tom is desperate to look up dirt on Ron and turns to Mark for help. Mark suggests Tom visit Cozy's Bar in Eagleton and speak to Ron's old friend, Duke Silver.

After departing from the bar and Ann returning home, she visits Dave's house to tell him that she was nervous about their upcoming date, but now realizes he's lucky to have her because of how "awesome I am." A seemingly annoyed Dave brings Leslie home.

Tom visits the bar and learns Duke Silver is actually Ron himself, who plays saxophone in a jazz club under an alter ego. Tom confronts Ron, who immediately calls for a truce to the game to prevent his secret from getting out. After watching more footage of Dexhart, Mark decides he wants Ann to learn all his own dark secrets from him. He visits her late at night and tells him about an affair he had with a married woman at age sixteen, among other secrets. Although initially confused, Ann is ultimately flattered by the gesture. April, disappointed nobody found dirt on her, announces she drove a lawnmower through a Nordstrom department store.

The next day, Leslie feels horrible for ruining her chances with Dave. He arrives at her office later and she starts to apologize, but he says she can make it up to him on their second date, thereby reassuring her the first date is already over. Leslie once again feels cheered up.

Cast[]

Guest Stars[]

Quotes[]

Tom: I bet anything that I could find worse stuff on all you guys.
Mark: Are you suggesting a game? I'm in.
Donna: I'm in.
Jerry: I'm out.
Tom: Not an option, Jerry. You're going down.
Jerry: No, seriously. I don't wanna play.
Tom: No, no. Seriously. You are playing and we're gonna nail you. [Jerry is filled with dread]

April: I love games that turns people against each other.

Ron: [slams a photo of Tom on the window] TALIBAN ROBES!
Tom: What?? Where'd you get that photo from?
Donna: [laughing at the photo] Hey, Tom! Nice Taliban robes!
Tom: Those aren't Taliban robes. That's from Halloween ten years ago - I was dressed like a Jedi.

Jerry: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have an unpaid parking ticket.
Mark: Well, that's funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
Donna: [laughs] Oh, snap!
Jerry: What?
Mark: You didn't know that, huh?
Jerry: I didn't know I was adopted. [Mark is uncomfortably silent]

Jerry: I really didn't want to play. [gets up and leaves]

Ron: Tom-mato sauce.
Tom: Ron-tanamo Bay.

Ron: Congratulate me.
Tom: For what?
Ron: Winning the game. I just found out through some pretty impressive investigating that your wedding is a sham. It's a Green card marriage.
Tom: [acting smug] That's crazy - I was born in South Carolina. These colors don't run, baby!
Ron: Yes, but Wendy was born in Ottawa, CANADA! [Tom looks sick]

Bill Dexhart: And to my wife, I apologize. All I can say is, I wasn't just having sex. I was making love... to a beautiful woman. And her boyfriend. And a third person whose name I never learned. Furthermore, it was wrong of me to say I was building houses for the underprivileged when I was actually having four-way sex in a cave in Brazil.

Leslie: I think it's a real shame when people focus on the tawdry details of a scandal. Personally, all I care about is Councilman Dexhart's policies; not whether he was high on nitrous and cocaine during the cave sex...which, by the way, I heard he was.

Leslie: Do you have like a first-date outfit I could borrow? Like, I don't know, a pair of cargo pants?
Ann: Yeah I wouldn't go with the cargo pant.
Leslie: What about like a sexy hat?
Ann: I don't even know what that is.
Leslie: Helping already.

Tom: [enters Mark's office] Mark.
Mark: Tom.
Tom: You hate Ron, right?
Mark: No, I think Ron is fine.
Tom: So we're on the same page. [Mark looks confused]

Mark: There is a man named Duke Silver. He hangs out at a bar in Eagleton, he's an old friend of Ron's.

Tom: Hey, this is gonna sound weird. I'm looking for a guy named Duke Silver.
Bartender: Yeah, he goes on in a second. [Tom looks confused]
Announcer: Ladies, ladies, ladies! It's just about that time. It's with the jazziest pleasure that I bring out to you... my man, Mr. Duke Silver! [everyone applauds as Duke Silver takes the stage... and it's Ron Swanson! Tom is gobsmacked]

Tom: [approaching Ron as Duke Silver] DUKE! Huge fan! [Ron slowly looks up at Tom and realizes he's been caught]

Woman: [approaches Duke Silver/Ron with a camera] Can I get a picture?
Ron: Sure.
Tom: [takes the woman's camera] Say "I bested you"!
Woman: [smiles, albeit slightly puzzled] "I bested you". [Ron makes a strained smile as Tom takes their picture]

Ron: Truce?
Tom: Truce. [they shake hands]

April: Is it weird that my feelings are hurt that no one has found any dirt on me yet? [to her coworkers outside] Hello?! I drove a riding lawnmower through a Nordstrom! There's video that I took; it's on the Internet! [a security video shows April doing exactly that]

Trivia[]

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