This article contains spoilers for the Parks and Recreation show. Continue at your own risk.
|We have one activity planned: not getting killed.|
|— Ron Swanson|
Ron Swanson is the troop leader of a boys-only wilderness club called the Pawnee Rangers, with Andy Dwyer as his assistant. Five years earlier, a fifth grade girl was denied entry into the boys-only Rangers, so Leslie Knope created the girls-only Pawnee Goddesses, with Ann Perkins and April Ludgate as her assistants. Leslie is determined to prove that her group is better to avenge the past rejection, so she decides to arrange a weekend camping trip for the Goddesses at the same camping ground as the Rangers. Meanwhile, after noticing that Ben Wyatt is feeling down, Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford invite him on their annual "Treat Yo Self" trip, where they take a day off to spend extravagantly on things they don't need. Jerry Gergich is left alone in the office, so City Manager Chris Traeger gives him the day off; Jerry invites Chris to have lunch with him and his daughter Millicent Gergich, and Chris agrees when he sees that Milly is very attractive.
The Pawnee Rangers become jealous of the Pawnee Goddesses, who appear to be having a lot more fun on the trip, as they have puppies, pillow fights, and candy, while the Rangers are tasked with building a shelter and only supplied with beans. Leslie is glad her efforts to make the boys jealous worked, but the Goddesses, after a public forum, decide to let the Rangers join them if they want. Every Ranger – including Andy – defect to the Goddesses, making Leslie feel sorry when she spots Ron sitting at a campfire all alone. She apologizes for being so competitive, and Ron laments that children no longer want to learn tough survival skills, admitting Leslie has the better group. To make Ron feel better, Leslie takes out an ad in the paper for a new group of self-reliant survivalists called "The Swansons", and Ron is surprised to find a group of eager children in his office ready to join.
Ben is unable to enjoy himself with Tom and Donna, but opens up after splurging on a Batman costume. He breaks down sobbing and admits a recent break-up is the reason for his depressed state. Chris hits it off with Milly during lunch and tells Jerry that he plans on asking her out on a date, insisting on being open with Jerry about their activities; it takes a weird turn when Chris tells Jerry that he slept with Milly after the date.
Ron: For the last three years, I have served as troop leader of the Pawnee Rangers. This is our handbook. [opens the handbook and the inside only consists of one entry: "1. Be A Man."] I wrote the whole thing myself.
Leslie: We're called the Pawnee Goddesses and we're freakin' awesome.
Andy: I am Mother Nature's brother, Brother Nature. But you can call me Andy. Or, Brother Nature. Your call.
Leslie: [in a Southern accent] Oh my stars! I'm just a little lady, my fragile constitution cannot handle the fearsome outdoors!
Ron: I have no problem with strong women, Leslie.
Leslie: [in a Southern accent] Who's "Leslie"? My name is Annabelle van der Graaf... and... y'all, I just fall into pieces when the sun shines on my hair.
Leslie: Say my club is better, Ron. Say it. My club is better. Say it. [Ron doesn't, even when she taps him on the shoulder] Come on, say it's better. Saaay it. Say it's better. Say my club is better. Say it. Give it up. Who's club is better? Mine. Say it. You know it. Saaay it.
Ron: On principle, I never say anything that another person is obviously trying to get me to say. My first wedding ceremony took two hours because after the priest said "Repeat after me", I fell silent.
Donna: What is wrong with you today? Did they cancel Game of Thrones?
Ben: Nothing is wrong, just do your job. ...And they would never cancel Game of Thrones. It's a crossover hit. It's not just for fantasy enthusiasts, they're telling human stories in a fantasy world. [Donna and Jerry look at him awkwardly]
Donna: Relaxation lesson number one: acupuncture. It's great for your back and your rear. Needles in your face, pleasure in yo' base.
Ann: I bought this Mackerel at the Supermarket. I've been standing in the water with the fish on my hook for 30 minutes. I saw it on an episode of I Love Lucy. Pathetic? Maybe, but it feels pretty good to have a bunch of little boys be super in to me. That came out wrong.
Donna: Uh-oh. Batman's crying.
Leslie: I am a goddess, a glorious female warrior, queen of all that I survey. Enemies of equality, hear my womanly roar!
Donna: [sees Ben eat soup on a bench] Oh, Lord. Is he eating soup? On a bench? Alone?
Donna: [about to put Ben in her Mercedes] No arguing. And no soup in the Benz. [tosses his soup away]
Tom: [wearing shades, a fedora, and a scarf] Treat Yo Self.
Donna: [to Tom] Treat Yo Self. [Tom smiles]
Ben: This is insane.