This article contains spoilers for the Parks and Recreation show. Continue at your own risk.
|That is the exact spot where 18 year-old Ben Wyatt was inaugurated as mayor of Partridge, Minnesota.|
|— Leslie Knope|
The episode begins with Ron Swanson receiving a subpoena. He is being sued by Councilman Jeremy Jamm for punching him in the face on the night of Leslie Knope's wedding. He later meets with Jamm and his attorneys where Ron calls upon Andy Dwyer, April Ludgate and Tom Haverford as witnesses. Both April and Tom provide false statements about Ron, to which Ron does not agree. He subsequently makes both recite their claims in a manner which puts Ron in a bad light. Both tell of Ron's many times when he outspokenly wished to punch Jamm in the face. When asked to make a statement of his own, Ron is straightforward and declares he regrets nothing. Feeling that Ron's future punishment is on them due to their damning testimonies, Andy, April and Tom storm into Jamm's office and blackmail him into dropping the lawsuit – the trio found that Jamm's affidavit was not entirely accurate. Jamm is forced to call his attorneys and admit "he got Jammed".
Meanwhile, Leslie and Ben Wyatt head to Partridge, Minnesota, Ben's hometown. As a gesture of goodwill, the town is offering Ben the key to the city, a distinction given to all city mayors. Ben is pleased that the city has finally gotten over Ice Town and feels at home again. Before the ceremony, the pair visit Ben's sister, Stephanie Wyatt. At Stephanie's home, Leslie quizzes her on Ben's childhood girlfriends and Ben practices his acceptance speech. However, Ben suddenly falls down in pain and is taken to the hospital - it is revealed he has kidney stones. The doctor insists Ben stay at the hospital all day, and dosed up on morphine, Ben is unable to go anywhere. Leslie goes to the ceremony of Ben's behalf, where she finds the whole operation was one big joke to mock Ben one final time. There was never a key and the city has in fact not forgotten or move on from Ice Town. Peeved at how poorly this town still treats Ben, Leslie is determined to get a key from Mayor Stice. After the mayor denies her a key behind closed doors, Leslie steals one from his office. She presents Ben the key, but he instead throws it in the lake, stating he doesn't need this false gratification from Partridge as Pawnee is now his home.
In a B plot, Ann Perkins and Chris Traeger undertake an online compatibility quiz to make sure they'd be a good parenting match. After finding out their score is a mere 58%, the pair begin to question whether or not this is such a good idea. After spending the day failing to make up for their poor score, Chris decides to create his own compatibility quiz, with the only question being "Will you love our child and work hard to see he or she has a good life?" Both come to realize that all that matters is that they will love their child, with everything else being of a trivial nature.
Mailman: Do I have a Ronald Ulysses Swanson?
Ron: He stepped out. Can I take a message?
Mailman: Sure. Tell him he had just won a free dinner from St. Elmo Steakhouse.
Ron: [joyfully laughs] I'm Ron Swanson! [takes the envelope]
Mailman: You've been served! Have a nice day.
Ron: [upset that he was tricked] I don't like you! But I respect the effort.
Tom: Aw, man! A subpoena? Which ex-wife is it - Tammy 1 or Tammy 2?
Ron: Neither. Apparently Councilman Jeremy Jamm is not pleased that I punched him in the face on the night of Leslie's wedding. He is suing me. $13,000 for orthodontic surgery, $6000 for enamel repair, and $46,000,000 for psychological damages.
Andy: [groans] That seems about accurate.
April: [after hearing of Jamm suing Ron] That guy is the worst. We should sue Jamm's parents for spawning a human-turd burger.
Tom: [after Ron goes into his office] I'm surprised he's taking it this well.
Ron: AAAAAH! [a crash is heard and Tom, April, and Andy go inside Ron's office to see what happened - Ron has just thrown a baseball bat into the wall] April, could you call Maintenance please?
Ann: Stupid Internet.
Leslie: [to Stephanie Wyatt] Who are Ben's high school girlfriends and what base do you think he got to?
Tom: [seeing Jeremy Jamm's plaintiff team] Those are Jean-Ralphio's lawyers. They once got him $60,000 because he got too scared at a haunted house.
Ron: Tom and April were excellent witnesses in my defense. Unfortunately, every single word out of their mouths was a lie. There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk.
Ben: [after falling down in the bathroom] I think I'm giving birth! Is that possible?? No, right? Oh, God!
Ben: [high on morphine] "Price is Right" is on, I think. Oh, you remember staying home sick from school... [begins to weep] watching the "Price is Right"? Oh, God...!
Ron: [to April about lying in his defense] You even called me a 'vegetarian'! What if that testimony leaks? How will people ever respect me??
Andy: I love telling the truth. Case in point, sometimes when I blow my nose I get a boner. I don't know why. It just happens. Truth bomb.
Leslie: The town mascot is here.
Ben: Fred the Sled? They only bring him out for special occasions.
Ron: [talking to Jamm's attorneys] On the night I punched Councilman Jamm in the face, I warned him several times to back off. And instead, he attacked me twice. Truthfully, I barely registered his attack. He is incredibly frail and his arms are weak. And when I punched him, he dropped so quickly I thought he was diving towards the ground. I regret nothing. The End.
Jeremy Jamm: [smugly at Ron] You got jammed by your own team. Self jam! I'll see you in court, Swanson. And, uh, bring your checkbook.
Ron: I would like to punch you in the face, again. [Jamm nervously leaves]
[April, Andy, and Tom storm in Jamm's office]
April: Game's over, Councilman. Drop the suit.
Jeremy Jamm: And why exactly would I do that?
Tom: We took a look at your affidavit. We crossed referenced it with telephone records and eyewitness accounts and - uh-oh! - we found eleven lies. [Jamm looks uneasy]
Andy: Lying under oath is called 'perjury'. And they should know - they did it yesterday. [Tom and April nod]
[After April, Andy, and Tom leave Jamm's office]
Jeremy Jamm: [calling his attorneys] Yeah, it's me. We got jammed.