This article contains spoilers for the Parks and Recreation show. Continue at your own risk.
|Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.|
|— Andy Dwyer|
The flu season has hit Pawnee hard, leaving nurse Ann Perkins caring for many sick citizens at Saint Joseph Hospital. Among them is April Ludgate, who constantly mistreats Ann in retaliation for kissing Andy Dwyer. April asks Ron Swanson not to tell Andy she is in the hospital, and Ron is anxious not to get involved in their personal affairs. Leslie Knope also has the flu, but will not admit it because she wants to give an important presentation to the Pawnee Chamber of Commerce about the planned Harvest Festival, which she hopes will restore the dwindling budget of the parks department. Ben Wyatt finally takes a reluctant Leslie to the hospital, where she is admitted with a dangerously high fever and dehydration. Ben decides to do the presentation on Leslie's behalf, much to the chagrin of Leslie, who does not trust anyone but herself to do it. Tom Haverford, who was assigned to help Ben, immediately abandons him to hang out with a group of older men at the spa.
To Ann's surprise, Chris Traeger has also been admitted to the hospital with the flu. The two have been dating and, although Ann really likes Chris, she fears he is too perfect. However, because the extremely health-conscious Chris has a poor immune system and nearly no body fat, he suffers a complete physical breakdown, which makes Ann feel less intimidated about dating him. Meanwhile, Leslie escapes the hospital and heads back to City Hall to deliver the presentation herself. Tom returns from the spa, revealing his spa friends are the owners of several car dealerships, which have agreed to lend vehicles to the festival. Although delirious with fever and an excess of flu medication, Leslie delivers a flawless presentation, wildly impressing Ben. She is immediately brought back to the hospital, where Ben tells her 110 businesses have agreed to help with the festival, surpassing the minimum 80 needed.
At the department, with April absent from work, Ron asks Andy to fill in as an assistant because the anti-government-oriented Ron believes Andy will be ineffective. The two bond over the course of the day, and Andy begins to tell Ron about his problems with April, for whom he still harbors romantic feelings. Although initially not wishing to get involved, Ron reluctantly tells Andy she is at the hospital and he should visit her. Meanwhile, Ann remains pleasant throughout her nursing shift despite April's constant abuse. The second her shift ends, however, Ann immediately loses her temper and curses at April. Ann apologizes for kissing Andy, but insists it was a mistake and that April should stop taking it out on Andy. Later, Andy visits April, who pretends to be asleep but smiles, revealing she is happy he came.
At the end of the episode, Chris tells Ben they have been called back to Indianapolis for a new assignment, but both agree to seek an extension to stay in Pawnee longer. Although both claim they want to help organize the Harvest Festival, it is hinted they really want to stay because of Leslie and Ann.
Andy's line "Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'" was improvised by Chris Pratt. Creator Michael Schur said he thinks its one of the best jokes in the series, though as a writer, it drives him crazy that such a great line was improvised.
Chris’ line “Stop pooping” was also improvised
Ann: There is a crazy flu going around. Lots of miserable, dehydrated people with high fevers and diarrhea. And one of those dehydrated, high fever, miserable people is April... who hates me.
April: [rings Ann in her room] I want another nurse.
Ann: Well, there are none. We are pretty stretched thin, right now.
April: Then I want a janitor. They can do what you do, right?
Ann: Yep. Nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable.
April: Except no one dresses up like a janitor when they want to be slutty.
Ron: [to April] Here. I didn't know what to bring you, so I just got some magazines and lipstick. Woman stuff.
April: Thanks. All my parents got me was that. [points to a giant teddy bear]
Ron: The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
[Leslie is having a meeting with Tom, Donna, and Jerry - who are in a different room not wanting to get sick]
Tom: Leslie! Go home. You're sick.
Leslie: I'm not sick, it's just allergies. Come on guys, just let me in there.
Tom, Donna, Jerry: No! You can't come in here.
Jerry: Leslie, you look tired and you're all sweaty.
Leslie: You look tired and you're all sweaty all the time! What's your excuse? You want to go there, Jerry?!
Jerry: [resigned] No.
[Leslie is spreading her germs out of spite]
Jerry: Oh, come on! No, no, no, no! She's germing up all my stuff! Aw, yuck! Leslie!
Ann: [about Chris] I really like him. The problem is he's like a perfect human man. I can't find one flaw. There's one time I thought he farted... but it was me.
Ron: I need to find someone to fill in for April. Now I know I'm not going to find someone who's both aggressively mean and apathetic. April really is the whole package.
Andy: Do I have to tuck my shirt in? Because, honestly, that's kind of a deal-breaker.
Ron: Let it fly.
Leslie: [wearing layers, including a scarf] I think it's a little chilly in here.
Ben: Are you okay? Your eyes are glassy.
Chris: [cowers behind Ben] Oh, my God! Is she sick? [to Leslie] Are you sick?
Tom: Yeah! She's sick. That's why I'm wearing this. [wearing a motorcycle helmet] And misting myself with hand sanitizer. [sprays some on his helmet]
Leslie: I am not sick. I just have allergies. Okay? I took a Claritin and I threw that up. So I took a another one, I threw that up. And then, I took a third and it stayed down. I'm getting better.
Leslie: I need to get ready for the Chamber of Secrets.
Leslie: Ann's my doctor. And she's the most beautiful nurse in the world.
Andy: [pointing to the computer] Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.
Leslie: If I was sick, could I do this? [she remains seated and doesn't move]
Ann: What are you doing?
Leslie: Cartwheels. Am I not doing them?
Leslie: It's not that I don't trust Ben. It's that I don't have faith in Ben. And also I'm starting to forget who Ben is.
Andy: [answers the phone] Ron Swanson's office. Yes. I will transfer you. [hesitates, then presses a random button; the phone line goes flat] I just dropped another call. [Ron smiles and gives him a thumbs up]
Ann: [losing her patience with April] I know what she's trying to do - she's trying to get me to break. And you know what? I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna be professional and I'm gonna put on a happy face. And then I'm gonna go into a supply closet and snap a bunch of tongue depressors.
Leslie: [to Ben] OK, so let's, um, talk about your opening remarks. Do you want me to write you a rap? I'll write you a rap. No, you know what? You'll never be able to pull it off. You're too white. How about a show tune or something?
Ron: I am starving. I haven't had a lunch since yesterday. So I'm gonna head over to Callahan's.
Andy: Oh, no, no. Don't go there - they totally skimp on pickles. Let me go to Big Head Joe's for you. They have the most insane burritos.
Ron: I don't much go for ethnic food.
Andy: No, no, no. Trust me. They have one that's called the meat tornado. [Ron looks intrigued] Literally killed a guy last year.
Ron: You had me at meat tornado. [Andy eagerly gets up and scatters his desk equipment]
Ann: [seeing Leslie get up from her bed] What are you doing?
Leslie: Hey! That flu medicine really helped. I feel a thousand percent better. Good as new. [wraps a jacket around her neck] Is this scarf look okay? I don't wanna look stuffy, but I also don't wanna look too schluby.
Ann: [stern] Get back in that bed.
Ron: [after eating the meat tornado] Andy, this was delicious.
Andy: It's awesome, huh? [tosses a football to him]
Ron: It's a whole new meat delivery system. Thank you, son.
Andy: What do we say we go out to the parking lot, run a few pass plays to burn off the calories?
Ron: You are an unstoppable good idea machine! [they run outside]
Ron: I like Andy. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.
[Leslie has left the hospital]
Ann: Hey, have you seen Leslie?
Chris: I had a dream. That she came into this room. Stole all my flu medicine, told me not to tell you and disappeared through that hole in the wall.
Ann: The door?
Leslie: Oh, boy. Hold on. Be careful.
Leslie: The floor and the wall just switched. Walk very carefully.
Ron: Libertarianism is all about individual liberty. And it should never be defined by the terms "Liberal" or "Conservative".
Andy: And Communism is no good!
Ron: That's right.
Andy: And what's the word for when a few clerics are in charge? [beat] "Religious oligarchy"!
Ron: Holy s**t! [they both laugh]
Chris: [to Ann] I vomited somewhere in this room. I don't remember where, though. Wait. You might want to check that drawer. [the camera pans over to a half-open drawer]
Chris: [to himself in the mirror] Stop. Pooping!
[Chris is lying on the floor]
Ann: You have to get off the floor, now.
Chris: The floor is my friend.
Leslie: That's a very good question, sir. And I would counter with my own question, which is: Why is half of your face all swirly?
Leslie: Was I wearing a tiara when I came in here? Because if you happen upon it, would you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it post-hence?
Ben: I got you some waffles here, courtesy of J.J.'s Diner. And chicken soup, courtesy of me.
Leslie: I'll take the waffles. Thank you.