| It's not for me. These waffles make great dog laxatives. |
| — Lindsay Carlisle Shay |
"Eagleton" is the twelfth episode of season 3 of the NBC television series Parks and Recreation. It originally aired on May 5, 2011 to 5.06 million viewers.
Storyline
Eagleton, a more prosperous neighboring town of Pawnee, has erected a tall fence in the shared Lafayette Park to keep Pawnee residents out of their side. Leslie Knope suspects it is the work of Lindsay Carlisle Shay, Eagleton's Parks and Recreation Director, a former Pawnee Parks Department employee and Leslie's former best friend. Meanwhile, Leslie has discovered Ron Swanson's upcoming birthday, a date he has kept secret for years. Leslie promises a horrified and annoyed Ron that she will throw a surprise party for him.
In a typically rowdy and disorderly public meeting, the citizens of Pawnee demand the fence be removed. Leslie meets with Lindsay, who condescendingly refuses to remove the fence and insults Pawnee in the process. Leslie, Tom Haverford and Ben Wyatt attend an Eagleton town meeting to plead their case to its citizens. The Eagleton meeting is much different than those of Pawnee: it is a catered affair at a country club, where the citizens are wealthy and civil. Citing the poor maintenance of Pawnee's side of Lafayette Park, the Eagleton citizens prefer the fence stay up. Leslie reveals to Tom and Ben that she was offered the job of Eagleton parks director five years ago but turned it down, as she and Lindsay both made a promise to remain in Pawnee. However, Eagleton then offered Lindsay the job and she accepted, thus turning her back on Pawnee and Leslie. Meanwhile, Ron becomes increasingly paranoid of Leslie's birthday plans, especially after he overhears April Ludgate and Andy Dwyer discuss outrageous party plans. Ron eventually becomes so paranoid that he resorts to sleeping in his office to avoid any potential surprises at home.
Leslie quickly seeks revenge against Lindsay by getting her parks employees to throw garbage over the Eagleton side of the fence. When Lindsay arrives to stop it, the two get into a fight amid the garbage bags. The police arrive and arrest both women: Lindsay is jailed in Pawnee, while Leslie is jailed in Eagleton's pristine and hotel-like holding cell. After Ann Perkins bails Leslie out, she tells her that Lindsay built the fence because she is jealous that Leslie was offered the Eagleton job first and wants to get a rise out of her. Ann suggests that Lindsay should be hit with a baseball bat, which gives Leslie the idea to turn Pawnee's side of Lafayette Park into a wiffle ball field, with the fence serving as the outfield wall. Lindsay is impressed by how fast Leslie turned the fence into something positive, and remembers why she and Leslie joined the parks department in the first place. With their relationship on the mend, the two agree to get a drink together. Later, Leslie returns to the office to throw Ron's party: she takes him to an empty room with steak, whiskey and his favorite movies waiting for him, and reveals that April and Andy's duties were false leads to trick him. Leslie explains she made a party that he would want and leaves a content Ron alone to enjoy his birthday.
Quotes
Ron: I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus, the whole thing is a scam: birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
Ron: Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.
Citizen: Why don't we just set fire to the fence, you know, set it ablaze?
Leslie: That's arson.
Citizen: Well, let's leave that up to the lawyers. Point is, it would work.
Leslie: I doth proclaim to be a stupid fart face.
Leslie: The only thing I'm guilty of is loving Pawnee. And punching Lindsay in the face and shoving a coffee filter down her pants. But, in my defense, I believe assault should be legal if a person is a jerk.
Leslie: Do you remember what you said to me five years ago when Eagleton offered me that job and I asked you for your advice?
Ron: Do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?
Leslie: Right, but then after, when I pressed you, what did you say?
Ron: I believe I said that I thought we worked well together, and that I might disagree with your philosophy but I respected you. And I said that you'll get a lot of job offers in your life but you only have one hometown.
Leslie: Yes, that's how I remember it.