This article contains spoilers for the Parks and Recreation show. Continue at your own risk.
|Welcome everyone to the first meeting of the Parks Committee of Pawnee, or PCP. Because like the drug PCP, we are so fast-acting and powerful we should be illegal.|
|— Leslie Knope|
Leslie Knope is serving a two-week suspension from her job, but insists on sneaking back into her office to grab work to do at home, which Chris Traeger disallows. She decides to use the free time to focus on her campaign for City Council, but her advisors William Barnes and Elizabeth suggest that she relax until post-scandal poll numbers are released. At Ben Wyatt's suggestion, Leslie forms a citizens action committee to keep busy and continue involvement with the local government. She names it the Parks Committee of Pawnee (PCP).
Like every Christmas, everyone in the parks department receives extremely thoughtful gifts from Leslie. Ann Perkins suggests they all work together to give Leslie a great gift, and they all decide to make her a miniaturized City Hall made of gingerbread.
Meanwhile, following his resignation as Assistant City Manager, Ben begins looking for a new job. He first interviews for an accounting position with Barney Varmn's accounting firm, but turns it down after recognizing it isn't what he truly wants to do. He also meets with cologne maker Dennis Feinstein, but is disgusted with Feinstein's business practises and walks out on the interview.
The PCP become a loud and growing presence at town meetings and at Chris' job thanks to Leslie's leadership. However, her optimism is crushed when she learns that her poll numbers have taken a staggering hit due to the scandal, causing William and Elizabeth to drop her campaign. Chris feels responsible for derailing Leslie's campaign and lifts her suspension. Leslie returns to city hall and is pleasantly surprised by the gingerbread city hall. The department also present her with another gift, revealing they have volunteered to become her new campaign staff. Leslie is deeply touched and admires their devotion to her. They remind Leslie of all her tireless efforts to assist co-workers and friends over the years, and that no one hesitated to jump on board.
Chris: It’s an experimental fabric called Bumbleflex. It’s made out of synthetic bees’ wings.
Chris: This is nasal spray. Give me the flash drive.
Leslie: Give me the nasal spray.
Chris: Leslie, no! I’m much faster than you! I have Bumbleflex!
Leslie: I’m inventing a new spice called salgar. It’s part salt, part sugar.
Leslie: You might wanna stop saying ‘resigned in disgrace,’ especially during job interviews.
Donna: [describing Leslie's Christmas gift to her] Personalized leopard printed robe, pink feather cuffs, and on the back in rhinestones "You Can Get It".
Tom: Baller time.
April: [describing Leslie's Christmas gift to her] These are the Black Eyed Peas. And I finally killed them. It’s a Christmas miracle.
Ron: Every year, I give Leslie the same present I give everyone - a crisp 20 dollar bill. And every year, she gets me... something thoughtful and personal; it makes me furious. This year, she outdid herself. [referring to Leslie's Christmas gift to him: a device that remotely closes his office doors with the press of a button] She had it installed over the weekend. [chokes up] It’s so… it’s so beautiful.
Ron: We need to get Leslie something that erases the enormous emotional debt that has built up over years of this gift-giving imbalance.
Jerry: [revealing Leslie's Christmas gift to him] Oh, geez. Socks. She gets me.
Leslie: Strawberry margaritas. Another use for salgar!
Ben: Well they call me the Swiss Army accountant.
Barney Varmn: We do not get a lot of humor here and when we do it’s wonderful! Ted, come in here! [whispers] Say it to Ted when he comes in.
April: Did you just scoop it out of the jar with your hand like a bear?
Ron: I have some great red birch with a nice spalting. I already have some scale wainscoting.
Ben: I love me a calzone.
Ben: You’re putting an awful lot of salgar on your pasta.
Leslie: This is just sugar.
Ben: I didn’t love the carpeting.
Leslie: I know for a fact that nobody in the parks department reads letters. Except for one person, who is amazing, but she-he isn’t currently there. Because he was suspended.
Leslie: Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.
Andy: Boom! Rock n roll candy Andy.
April: I made a marshmallow Ron Swanson. His arms are crossed because he's mad at all the other marshmallow workers for annoying him.
Tom: When I was trying to decide how to decorate my office, I had to ask myself "What kind of candy should I choose?" Obviously chocolate, ‘cause I’m sweet, smooth, and the ladies love me. Now the question remains, what kind of chocolate am I? Do I have a gooey caramel center? Am I filled with little rice crispies? Maybe I’m white chocolate and I’m bucking all the stereotypes.
Ann: [annoyed] Oh, just put your damn candy out!
Tom: Ultimately, I decided to go with a little gourmet fudge. I didn’t have time to make it into anything. And please don’t eat it because it cost $55 an ounce.
Donna: So, I made my desk out of silver M&Ms. But they do not make silver M&Ms so I spray painted them.
Ann: Okay, so those are poisonous, so no one eat them.
Andy: Yeah, duh! [his teeth and lips are covered in silver paint]
Ann: Go throw up.
Andy: I didn't eat any.
Ann: Go throw up. [Andy gets up and leaves to do so]
Dennis Feinstein: Treat him like you would treat a person in another country that you paid $25,000 to hunt.
Ben: What are you talking about?
Dennis Feinstein: I'm talking about the best vacation of my life!
Leslie: The fact that Yahtzee is not in the rec center is a tragedy on par with human trafficking.
Andy: I know a lot about candy. I play with it, I eat it. Sometimes I play with it and eat it.
Leslie: My pleasure. See you in hell!
Leslie: You’re looking at the glass like it’s 99 percent empty. I’m looking at it like it’s one percent full. You know, the last delicious sip of a milkshake at the bottom of the metal milkshakey thing?
Leslie: Nobody wants a candidate who is polling at last milkshake sip levels.
Leslie: Don't touch my pickles, Ann!
Jean-Ralphio: There’s a woman over there that is unbelievable. Her name is Kim. When she rips it off, she smiles. And it makes you feel things. Throw my name, I get a referral discount if you don’t mind.
Jean-Ralphio: Why don’t you use that time to go after one of your passions? Like model trains, or toy Gandalfs or something.
Ben: I don’t know why you jumped straight to model trains. I mean, it’s accurate…
Leslie: You were very fair. In fact, I'm the one who needs to apologize. I got you involved in PCP, but I'm starting a new group now, LSD - Leslie's Sorry Division - and I just wanted to say I'm sorry Chris.
Leslie: Oh my god I’m pregnant. Wait, what? No, that’s not it.
Ron: Turns out, I cannot make a gingerbread house. Which would bother me if I were an 8 year old girl.
Ann: Your campaign advisors quit. Big deal. You're running for city council again, Leslie. With our help.
April: April Ludgate. Youth Outreach and Director of New Media.
Tom: Tom Haverford. Image Consultant, Swagger Coach.
Ann: Ann Perkins. Office Manager and Volunteer Coordinator.
Andy: Andy Dwyer. Security, Sweets, Body Man, Javelin, if need be.
Donna: Donna Meagle. Transpo', AKA rides in my Benz.
Jerry: [confused] Wh... You guys didn't tell me we were doing this. I-I did not know I was supposed to come up with something. I...
Ron: Ron Swanson. Any other damn thing you might need.
Leslie: [concerned] Guys, it's so much work. I can't ask you to put your lives on hold.
Ron: Find one person here who you haven't helped by putting your life on hold.
Leslie: [choked up] I don't know what to say... except... let's go win an election! [everyone cheers]
Leslie: Giving Christmas gifts is like a sport to me. Finding or making that perfect something. It’s also like a sport to me because I always win. This year though, my friends won. In fact, I got my ass handed to me.
Barney: Welcome, Mr. Saperstein.
Jean-Ralphio: Thanks so much!
Barney: I will just show you to your cubicle.
Jean-Ralphio: I can't wait. I bet it's a big one, huh Barney?
Barney: The temp agency said that you are fluent in QuickBooks Pro, correct?
Jean-Ralphio: Oh right yeah, we should cover that. Y'see, my resume might not actually be accurate, right? So I have no idea what you're talking about. Don't know what QuickBooks are.
Barney: [concerned] You don't have any accounting experience?
Jean-Ralphio: No, no, no, Barney, c'mon. But you don't have to be an accountant to know that this girl is a 10. [to the woman] Yo, what up, Diaz? Come here often?
Woman: To my job?
Jean-Ralphio: Oh, sharp mouth on her also. Shut it. [Barney is shocked]
Woman: [feeling offended] Is this the new temp who's supposed to help me with the spreadsheets?
Jean-Ralphio: You wanna talk about spreading the sheets, we can go back to my place and I will rock your-
Barney: [appalled by Jean-Ralphio's unprofessional behavior] You're fired!
Jean-Ralphio: [quickly accepting his termination] That makes sense. So I just go out the same way I came in? [he leaves]