This article contains spoilers for the Parks and Recreation show. Continue at your own risk.
|Hey, quick question. That little girl, from your video. Oh my God, she is so cute. Do you think you could talk to her and let her do an ad for me?|
|— Bobby Newport|
Bobby Newport, a member of Pawnee's influential Newport family, has entered into the race for City Council and is immediately way ahead of Leslie Knope in the polls, despite his complete lack of experience or interest in politics. Meanwhile, Andy Dwyer, who has health insurance for the first time, meets with Dr. Harris about a possible concussion, but learns he has acquired numerous ailments and injuries over the years and spends the day with April Ludgate visiting specialists at the hospital. Chris Traeger asks for Ron Swanson's help in delivering bad budget news, which the anti-government Ron is happy to do, but he is uncomfortable when Chris asks him out to lunch afterwards.
Since Bobby refuses to have a debate with Leslie, Ben Wyatt decides that she should air a negative campaign ad on television during the halftime of the highly rated Pawnee vs. Eagleton high school basketball game. Leslie is uneasy about it as she always dreamed of running a clean campaign, but Ben says that pointing out Bobby's obvious flaws is the only way to help her poll numbers. Leslie decides to make a positive ad about herself while Ben makes the negative ad, letting the Parks Department decide which one to air; they all vote on Ben's very effective attack ad. Ron continues to avoid Chris' overtures of friendship, and Donna Meagle guesses that Chris misses Ben, who was his closest friend at city hall and was always the one to deliver bad news. To solve the problem, Ron introduces Chris to Kyle, but Chris reveals he was not looking for a friend: he was scouting Ron to see if he would be a good replacement for Ben's old job as Assistant City Manager.
Ben is about to deliver the ad to the television station but Leslie tackles him; they ultimately miss the window to air the spot. Leslie apologizes but says she cannot forsake her morals, so the two work together to make a more effective positive ad for Leslie which they post on YouTube. The ad is well received and garners the attention of Bobby, who asks Leslie to drop out of the race and throws a whiny tantrum when she refuses. Meanwhile, Andy is shocked that his co-pay is $500 because of all the doctors that he visited. He and April flee without paying, but Andy immediately runs into an ambulance parked outside.
Leslie: He is attractive, and charming, and his family employs half the town. But, so what? I am a lifelong government bureaucrat who's well versed in the issues. And those are the kind of sexy qualifications that win elections.
Bobby Newport: Do you want me to sign that to Ms. Lope or just Nesnie?
April: Hey, Ann, are you still a nurse or did they fire you because you slept with all the doctors?
April: Are you the kind of doctor who gets hooked on his own drugs? I bet you are.
Andy: I was reading... an encyclopedia, and I tripped or fell over and hit my head, or brain helmet.
April: Yeah, he sneezed and smacked his head against the wall.
Doctor Harris: Anything else bothering you, Andy?
Andy: Nope... well yeah. I have this weird rash in my knee pit area. This side of my tongue doesn't taste anything anymore. What else... things far away from my eyes are fuzzy. Sometimes when I walk my ankles make a rattlesnake sound. I once at a twix with the wrapper on it and I've never seen the wrapper come out. I swallowed every piece of gum I've eaten for the past 20 years-
Andy: I don't know! [Holds up swollen hand] I broke my thumb on the way over here, just fix me.
Bobby Newport: I'm here with my Persian greyhound Raclette, who was given to me by my friend, the pretender to the throne of Alsace-Lorraine
Ann: Oh my God, this magic marker smells like cherries.
Andy: [Looking at eye exam poster] E, F, smudge, smudge, middle finger
April: [Squints confused at sheet]
Andy: Smudge, smudge, the rest are all smudges
April: Oh my gosh, you drove us here!
Chris: Thank you, John, for coming in. The Public Works Department is wonderful and you are the best idea man in the business.
Ron: Also we're cancelling all of your ongoing projects.
John: What? What about the Pawnee River dam?
Ron: Dam's dead. Have a nice day.
John: Where will all the water go?
Ron: Wherever it's headed now. The important thing is the dam is never happening and your dream has been crushed.
Chris: We're very sorry.
Ron: I am not. Good meeting.
Leslie: Positive is always better than negative. Barack Obama said "yes we can" and now he's President. Ben says "no we shouldn't" and now he's working for his girlfriend.
Bobby Newport: Hey, quick question. That little girl, from your video. Oh my God, she is so cute. Do you think you could talk to her and let her do an ad for me?
Leslie: That girl was me. As a 10 year old.
Bobby Newport: How'd you do that?
Leslie's "Pro" list
The scrolling list that appears in Leslie's ad of other items she is "pro" includes:
- More dog parks
- Senior citizen rights
- Safe streets
- Safe sidewalks
- Better schools
- Lower taxes
- Better parks
- Better business climate
- Better Better Business Bureau
- Cleaner streets
- Improve greenways
- More snow plows
- Protecting Pawneeans
- Improving tourism
- More trash cans
- Energy-efficient street lights
- Westside Detoxification and Revitalization Project
- Repaving Grand Avenue
- More teachers
- Fewer libraries
- Improve intergovernmental agency communication
- Clean-up Barefoot Lake
- Passing Pawnee Jobs Bill P-129.4
- Playgrounds in every park
- Playgrounds in every schoolyard
- Playgrounds in every residential block
- Clean energy
- One police officer for every 5 citizens
- One park ranger for every 10,000 raccoons
- Resodding Hilltop Cemetery
- Start talking to Cuba again
- Emergency Evacuation Drill
- Plow for Charity
- Forming ad Ad Hoc Sub-committee Oversight Committee
- Challenging the norm
- Pawnee corn Subsidies
- Finally Passing PR-61, formally recognizing South Korea
- Official peace treaty with the Wamapoke tribe
- Four-way stops at every intersection
- Unionizing ice cream trucks
- Get Europe out of debt
- Free trade with Illinois
- Enact RRP- Raccoon Relocation Project
- Pawnee Community College tuition in exchange for 4 years of public service
- Doubling Pawnee Hospital’s emergency room nurse staff
- Legalize Korean
- Lower the obesity level
- Stop global terrorism
- Re-open the toucan exhibit at the Pawnee Zoo
- Find Gabe the Toucan
- More community gardens
- Ordinance 11F: To Re-pave City Sidewalks
- Budget Reform
- Updated Technologies For Local Schools
- Better retirement benefits for city employees
- Edward Philips Senior Center remodeling
- Speed bumps in front of elementary schools
- Unemployment Benefits
- Re-installing the Main St. Farmers Market
- No turtles as pets
- New unitforms for youth sports programs
- Free Public Wi-fi
- Updated childcare facilities
- Shutting down the Child Left Behind program
- Handicap parking placards for the obese
- FREE PARKING EVERYWHERE
- Cleaner drinking water
- Regulate heights of trampolines
- Memorial for those lost in the trampoline “incident”
- Control the floods
- Funding for public art commission
- Fencing in correctional facilities
- New police patrol cars
- Funding overtime hours for police
- Rebuilding the PTA
- Prosecuting former PTA president Linda Trifle
- Profitable government organizations
- Shutting down underground shooting ranges
- Making sure city contracts employ local workers
- Providing more economic development grants and micro-loans to small businesses
- Foster partnership with sister cities
- More buses to speed up morning commutes
- More streets to accommodate additional buses
- Require all city employees to check and respond to email
- Working sewers
- More parades
- Grants for scientist to discover new forms of energy
- Leave a lasting impression on all visitors
- Challenge the norm
- Finish the statue of Burt Bacharach
- No more conflict diamonds
- Bulletproof glass everywhere
- Free cookies at every street corner
- One school for every student
- Require flattering mirrors in public restrooms
- Develop a municipal composting operation
- Enforce existing speeding and noise ordinances
- Create an anti-graffiti youth outreach program
- Free cake when it’s your birthday
- Reevaluate NAFTA
- Rickshaw Wednesdays
- Making it illegal to refuse a hug
- Make downtown more people-friendly
- Sell candy in government buildings to pay down the debt
- Get Pawnee a licensed pharmacy
- Better screening processes at local adoption agencies
- Funding homes for the adopted children of Day Labor Corp.
- Pro 6A: To Recognize all Five Food Groups
- Replacing all glass with plastic at Pawnee Psychiatric Clinic
- Curfew for minors at the Pawnee Mall