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Is that a drawing of my reproductive system saying "let's do this"?
Ann Perkins

"Ann's Decision" is the twelfth episode of the season 5 of the NBC television series Parks and Recreation. It originally aired on February 7, 2013 to 3.76 million viewers.


Empowered by her newfound independence, Ann Perkins decides to date herself for a while instead of getting swept up in a new boyfriend's personality. Six weeks into the experiment, she comes to a realization: she's ready to be a mom. It's a big decision, but she tells Leslie Knope she's ready to go to the sperm bank and look into having a child on her own. Leslie tries to be supportive, but is quietly convinced that Ann is making a huge mistake. At the sperm bank, they run into Sewage Joe. He claims to be a frequent donor, and his patronage is enough to scare Ann off.

Meanwhile, Ben Wyatt tries to make headway on his task for the wedding: finding a caterer. He's accompanied to a taste testing of the three best catering companies in Pawnee by his panel of experts: Chris Traeger, who loves vegetables, Ron Swanson, who loves meat, and Tom Haverford, who loves taking photos of food instead of eating it. Ben breaks the three-way tie with his own input, deciding on the caterer who served an appetizer of "mini calzones."

While Leslie is busy with her councilwoman duties, April Ludgate is tasked with her worst nightmare: leading a public forum for the Pawnee Commons every day that week. She decides that the best way to survive the ordeal is to imitate Leslie; she even dons one of Leslie's famous pantsuits to tackle the task. But Leslie's chipper methods just aren't suitable for April, and the first meeting quickly spirals out of her control.

Leslie inadvertently helps Ann realize that her ideal sperm donor should be someone she knows. With a new wave of enthusiasm, Ann narrows it down three potential sperm donors and brings them in to the office, pretending she's interviewing them for a blog. Ann's third candidate, Howard Tuttleman (a.k.a. radio personality "The Douche"), is surprisingly the best option. Leslie is not convinced and tries to scare off Howard by telling him Ann's motives behind meeting with him. This move backfires on Leslie, as Howard goes on radio the next day and begins proclaiming he is going to be having a "Little Douche". Leslie does her best to win back Ann's forgiveness, even showing up at the radio station and begging The Douche to stop. In the end, Ann forgives Leslie and admits she may have rushed her decision to have a child, and agrees to take her time considering her options.

The day after the taste testing, Chris, Ben and Ron are all completely crippled by horrible food poisoning. The culprit turns out to be the mini calzones due to the fact the Tom was the only one not to eat them and was fine the next day. Ben later chooses JJ's Diner to be the wedding caterer, which Leslie happily agrees to.

With Andy's help, April realizes that the best way to run these public forums is to be herself. The next day, April lays down the law and does things the April way, and the results are fantastic. She may have gotten 30 complaints of excessive rudeness, but she also got 80 signatures supporting the park! April and Andy celebrate April's victory by burning Leslie's horrific pantsuit.


Ben: I'm in charge of food for the wedding. So I brought in Pawnee's three best caterers and a panel of experts. Chris loves vegetables, Ron loves meat, and Tom considers himself a 'foodie', which apparently means taking Instagram's of food instead of eating it.

Leslie: I fully believe that a woman should be in charge of what happens to her body. In this case, the body is Ann's and the woman in charge of it is me.

[Ben walks into Chris' office looking horribly sick]
Ben: Chris? I'm dying.
Chris: [on the floor, also looking horribly sick] I was dying earlier today. And then I died. Now I'm dead.

Ben: What is this?
Ron: [enters the office and looks just as bad as Ben and Chris] It's food poisoning. I have it, too. I did not sleep for one second last night. And I cracked the bottom of the toilet bowl.
Ben: Oh, God. Don't say that.

Chris: Has anybody talked to Tom? [straining] I can't even imagine what that tiny little man must be feeling like.
Ron: I have voided more than Tom's body weight in the last 12 hours alone. He might have just disappeared off the Earth.

[Tom walks into Chris' office energetic until he sees Chris, Ben, and Ron]
Tom: WHOA! It smells like some vomit took a dump in here! What happened?
Ron: We got food poisoning, Tom. How do you not have food poisoning?
Ben: It's because he didn't eat anything. He just took pictures and talked about the "Wow" factor.

Ben: [after learning the calzones were the cause of them getting sick] The calzones... betrayed me? Never again, guys. As God as my witness, they are dead to me.

April: I just don't know how Leslie can be Leslie all the time. I was her for two hours and I wanted to die.

Harris: I wanted to talk more about that topless park idea that a local hero brought up yesterday?
April: There's not gonna be a topless park, Harris. Nobody wants your creepy stoner eyes staring at them while they're enjoying a park. Okay? Stop being gross.