This article contains spoilers for the Parks and Recreation show. Continue at your own risk.
|Do you want me to postpone the rest? Or I could set myself on fire and create a diversion.|
|— April Ludgate|
Due to a clerical mistake by April Ludgate, Ron Swanson is forced to deal with 93 meetings in a single day. He enlists the aid of April, Andy Dwyer, Leslie Knope and Ann Perkins to help handle them, while telling Jerry Gergich that he is free to go home early. During her first meeting, Leslie learns from Bill Haggerty of the Pawnee Historical Society that a historic town monument, the Turnbill Mansion, is soon to be altered by its new renter, the former Miss Pawnee beauty pageant winner Jessica Wicks. Leslie and Tom Haverford leave to meet with her at the mansion, where Jessica is planning a birthday party for her extremely old husband, the wealthy Nick Newport, Sr., founder of the Sweetums candy company. Leslie is shocked to see that Jessica has already made several alterations, such as hanging up nude portraits of herself and painting the floor.
Leslie is outraged when Jessica reveals her plans to demolish an old gazebo in the backyard, the site of a historic wedding between a Pawnee Native American and white woman, which became a "bloodbath" when knowledge of the wedding became public. Under Leslie's orders, Tom chains Leslie to the front gate to prevent construction crews from entering. However, she mistakenly assumes the gate opens from the middle, allowing the crews to enter right past Leslie and demolish the gazebo. At the end of the day, Ann and Mark Brendanawicz arrive to free her, and Leslie finally reveals to Tom the true source of her anxiety — Mark's intentions to marry Ann. Leslie feels emotional confusion over this fact. On the one hand, she wants her friends to be happy. On the other hand, she used to have romantic feelings for Mark, she feels insecure about being single, and she worries about losing her two friends. In response, Tom assures her not to worry, thus empowering Leslie to crash and ruin Jessica's party.
Meanwhile, Ron and the others deal with their meetings: April acts as uninterested as possible, Andy makes promises to people against Ron's wishes, and Ann provides several medical consults after revealing she is really a nurse (not a Parks and Recreation Department employee). Although the two had previously been developing a romantic interest, Andy now acts uninterested in April because he feels uncomfortable about the eight-year age difference between them, further upsetting April on a difficult day. Ron, who views the many meetings as an utter nightmare, calls in the others during the middle of the day for a progress report, and angrily berates April for her mistake. After all the meetings, April arranges her own meeting with Ron, where she announces she is quitting. When Andy learns this, he convinces Ron that April is a great assistant. Ron goes to April's house and convinces her to come back by telling her about Andy's compliments; at the same time she reveals her knowledge of Ron's alter ego, Duke Silver. On her first day back, April successfully scares off someone wanting to meet with Ron by scheduling absurd meeting dates and times such as June 50th and 2:65 PM. Ron gives her an approving smile and nod while watching from his office.
April: [to Ron as he enters his office] Hey! Good morning.
Ron: Why are there six people outside who say they're waiting to meet with me?
April: So, you know how you love me because you haven't had a single meeting with anyone since I became your assistant? That's because every time someone calls and requests a meeting with you, I always schedule it for March 31st.
April: Because I didn't think March 31st existed. [Ron looks confused] "Thirty days hath September, April, March, and November."
Ron: [corrects her] JUNE, and November. [April looks ashamed] Today is March 31st.
April: I know.
Ron: So, then, how many meetings do I have today?
Ron: [groans with agony] Ooookay. Okay. Well... you know what to do.
Ron: [about the 93 meetings] To me, this situation is a blood-soaked nightmarish hellscape. However, to Leslie Knope... [cuts to Leslie]
Leslie: [claps with joy] Oh, how fun!
April: [feigning joy] Yaayy.
Ron: So basically we're completely swamped. All hands on deck.
Ann: I don't even work in this building.
Ron: I need anyone with a pulse and a brain to pitch in.
Jerry: Ron, do you need help with anything?
Ron: No, we're good. Thanks. In fact, you can head home early.
Andy: Thanks, dude!
April: No problem... lady.
Andy: April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my God, I could have killed her!
Woman: There's no way this ordinance goes through. There's too much red tape.
April: Mm. This gridlock drives me nuts.
Woman: Tell me about it.
April: Yeah, I think you're gonna have to make an end run, y'know? Go right to the commissioner on this one.
Woman: You know what? I haven't thought of that. That is a really great idea.
Woman: I'm gonna do that.
April: OK. Your last resort is probably gonna be city council.
Woman: Good luck there!
April: My thoughts exactly!
[Cut to April being interviewed]
April: I have no idea what I was saying.
Ron: [sees April's sister] You must be April's sister. [she looks at him] I'm Ron. [she quietly rolls her eyes, gets up from her chair, and leaves the room; Ron clears his throat] Nice to meet you.
April: Why are you here?
Ron: Come back to work.
Ron: Come back. I want you to come back.
April: Well, I don't want to come back. The End.
Ron: I was talking to Andy about you, and he made me realize that I need you back at work.
April: What did he say?
Ron: Don't recall.
April: Fine, I'll come back.
Ron: Okay, I'm leaving. Bye, Zu-Zu.
April: Bye... Duke Silver. [Ron doesn't leave as he closes the door and looks at her surprised] My mom has all your albums. I recognized you the day we met.
Ron: Have you... told anyone?
Ron: [he smiles] Good girl. [he leaves as April slightly smiles, feeling rather happy for herself]
Citizen: I thought I was having this meeting with Ron Swanson.
April: I'm afraid that Ron Swanson's currently dead.
April: I'm his daughter, April Swanson. And it's his last wish that I have this meeting with you.
Ron: April was supposed to be the moat that kept the citizen barbarians away from Swanson castle. Instead, she blew up the castle and stabbed me in the face.